Tech Support

The French Biscuit · Post by **The French Biscuit** » Mon Mar 09, 2009 7:44 pm

Got this from my parents today. Strangely befitting, that.

"this ought to make you feel better about your computer skills! Be sure you read the last one! Unbelievable, but supposedly all true!!!!

=================================

Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No .. wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry....

===============

Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?

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Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print..
Tech support: Would you click on 'start' for me and..
Customer: Listen pal, don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates, dammit!

===============

Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...

===============

Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah...................thank you.

===============

Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.

===============

Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work...

===============

Tech support: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?

== =============

Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.

===============

Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.

===============

Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

===============

Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?

===============

A customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: 'No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.'

===============

And last but not least...

Tech support: 'Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager.'
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: 'P'.....on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!

~end

Fasheem · Post by **Fasheem** » Mon Mar 09, 2009 8:26 pm

The French Biscuit wrote: ===============

Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah...................thank you.

===============

I think I like this one the best. Just because that person is probably not normally dumb, but just had a total brain queef going on and died of embarrassment.

Tragic Angelus · Post by **Tragic Angelus** » Mon Mar 09, 2009 10:36 pm

These are great and always put a big ass grin on my face, though Fash's 'brain queef' did just about the same

StoneTable · Post by **StoneTable** » Mon Mar 09, 2009 10:42 pm

I spent a few years working tech support. I've long since blocked out the most traumatic of calls but two things do stand out.

One popular story has been told and retold:

Customer: My computer's cup holder broke off.
Tech support: err... cup holder?
Customer: Yes. I put my coffee cup on it and it broke off.
Tech support: One second, Ma'am <presses hold>
<laugher, spewing, coughing>
Tech support: Ma'am, that's not a cup holder. That's the CD-ROM tray.

I was doing an on-site install at a tanning salon (I wrote the software that ran the registers) circa 1996 or so. Computers were still relatively new and one girl was afraid to touch the mouse. I literally had to take her by the hand, put it on the mouse and show her it wasn't a "real" mouse.

jedispyder · Post by **jedispyder** » Mon Mar 09, 2009 10:46 pm

Nothing tops the

"Ma'am, is the compute turned on?"
"...Oh, thanks."

StoneTable · Post by **StoneTable** » Mon Mar 09, 2009 10:49 pm

A guy buys a modem so he can get on the computer. When he gets home, he can't figure out why it's not working so he calls for help.

Tech support: Sir, is the modem connected to the computer?
Customer: Computer! No one told me I had to have a computer to get on the internet!

William McDert · Post by **William McDert** » Tue Mar 10, 2009 1:22 am

Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?

SO CUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am conjuring up images of grandmas in nightgowns awwww

The French Biscuit · Post by **The French Biscuit** » Tue Mar 10, 2009 4:13 pm

StoneTable wrote:A guy buys a modem so he can get on the computer. When he gets home, he can't figure out why it's not working so he calls for help.

Tech support: Sir, is the modem connected to the computer?
Customer: Computer! No one told me I had to have a computer to get on the internet!

The French Biscuit · Post by **The French Biscuit** » Tue Mar 10, 2009 7:57 pm

jedispyder wrote:Nothing tops the

"Ma'am, is the compute turned on?"
"...Oh, thanks."

A friend of mine who worked at Convergys used to get a lot of calls like that. The main solution to callers problems was "turn on the monitor".

Mr Wallstreet · Post by **Mr Wallstreet** » Tue Mar 17, 2009 2:20 pm

The French Biscuit wrote:Got this from my parents today. Strangely befitting, that.

===============

Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.

===============

My favorite. Always makes me laugh